


Do You Know What Day It Is?

by BlackBarnOwl



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alarkling - Freeform, Alina Starkov is Still a Sun Summoner, Alternate Ending - Ruin and Rising, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Darklina - Freeform, F/M, Grief/Mourning, anniversary of the battle on the Fold, grisha triumvirate, slightly OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 15:43:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20473490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackBarnOwl/pseuds/BlackBarnOwl
Summary: Alina is wrecked by her losses during the battle on the Fold, and the grief eats at her as the years past. She is haunted by the ghost of Aleksander, and Mal's bones feel like a brand. Alina finally snaps on the 10th anniversary of the battle on the Fold, but no one seems to know what day it is.





	Do You Know What Day It Is?

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone is a little OOC in the work, whoops. Don't grieve like Alina. It isn't healthy.

Alina stood on the balcony, looking down at the Ravkan citizens, who cheered for her.  _ Sankta Alina, Rebe Dva Stolba, Sol Koroleva. _ She smiled emptily for them. They thought her to be their saviour, the light that saved them from the darkness. She didn’t care what they thought. Alina had stopped caring when she had put a knife through the man she had loved, wore his bones, and put another knife through the man she… the man she loves, despite everything.

The crowd cheered again as Nikolai raised their intertwined hands, proudly displaying their engagement ring, the Lantsov Emerald. The engagement was almost purely strategic, but Nikolai hoped Alina would one day love him. Alina just hoped Nikolai could pull her out of this pit of numbness and nothing. 

Time went on, and they were both disappointed. Alina became cold and detached, pulling away from everyone and everything. She put on the mask of the benevolent Queen a few times a year but was rarely seen the rest of the time. It drove her crazy that everyone thought things were fine. Both of them were gone; she wore Mal’s bones on her wrist, and she missed Aleksander so desperately, her imagination had started conjuring him in dark corners. Alina was so miserable, that even Genya had despaired. 

On the 10th anniversary of the battle on the Fold, Alina snapped. She ripped all of her  _ keftas _ , the blue and the gold, to shreds, and donned one of black silk from the botched Winter Fete so long ago. 

Everyone stared at her in shock as she passed, a few whimpering in fear as she strode by, white hair and black  _ kefta _ billowing. She blew into Aleksander’s old rooms, now Zoya’s, all the people who were once her friends gathered around a table. Even Aleksander himself-- or her imaginary him, stood in the corner. They all gaped at her in shock. Zoya’s eyebrows were raised in disdain, Genya’s hand flew to her mouth, and Aleksander smirked. 

“Alina, what are you thinking?!?” Nikolai demanded. “Do you know how panicked people will be to see you in  _ his _ colours? How quickly word will spread?”

“Do you know what day it is?” Alina asked softly. “Do  _ any _ of you know what day it is? It is 10 years to the day. Since I lost them. 10 years since I had to start wearing Mal’s bones like a brand. 10 years of drowning in their blood in my dreams. I am tired of pretending everything is fine, and turning away from EVERYONE so they don’t see how wrecked I am.” Alina was yelling now. “So I’m wearing black. I am mourning everything I lost that day. My childhood friend whom I loved, my dark prince; the only one who would stay by my side for eternity, and my humanity. I can’t smile for the people anymore. I’m done.”

The room was deathly quiet. Nikolai, the Triumvirate, the twins… they looked at Alina like they were afraid of her; seeing the wolf in sheep’s clothing for the first time in a very long while. It felt good. Alina was surprised by how much she had needed a reaction like this, how she had craved one. To be looked at with something other than adoration or sympathy.

Her fake Aleksander crossed the room and cupped her face in his hands. Alina gasped at how real he felt. His grey quartz eyes bored into her brown ones.  _ I’ll be there for you soon, Alina. Wait for me. _ Alina stared back, her eyes tracing the elegant panes of his face, her finger hovering over his cheekbones. And she promptly fainted, Aleksander’s fading form the last thing she saw. Her companions rushed to her side and called for a medic.

Alina awoke in the palace infirmary, lying beneath soft white cotton sheets, the Triumvirate and the twins arguing over her bed.

“People are going to ask why Sol Koroleva collapsed and was wearing black.”

“We can tell them she was overwhelmed by grief. So many were lost today.”

“Do we want to know why she seemed to be staring at someone when there was nothing but air?”

“Or why she fainted out of nowhere?”

Everything seemed too loud, but Alina knew they were probably whispering. They were wrong; she hadn’t been overwhelmed by grief, she hadn’t fainted without cause, and she hadn’t been staring at air. Alina had been staring at Aleksander. He wasn’t dead. Of course, he wasn’t. It was laughable, that she had ever thought he was. He was Aleksander Morozova, the Darkling. Being stabbed in the chest would never be enough to kill him. All those times when she had thought she missed him so much that she was conjuring hallucinations of him… he had really been there.

Alina sat up quickly, her head spinning. Her friends flinched, unaware that she had woken up already. What did Aleksander mean by ‘I’ll be here soon’? Was he going to try and come for her? Did he truly think he would ever be let past the palace gates? Alina pondered it all, ignoring the questions her companions were peppering her with.

A shrill scream pierced the air, followed by countless shouts of alarm. The Triumvirate and the twins rushed from the room. Alina stumbled to the windows and stuck her head out. A tide of darkness writhed and rolled over the palace grounds, gaining more coverage by the second. Aleksander had actually come. Alina scrambled out of the infirmary, running towards the nearest exit, Aleksander was here, after a decade. Her feet couldn’t fly over the ground fast enough. 

The palace was a hive of chaos; people screaming about the Darkling returning. Alina’s smile widened with every comment. She skidded around a corner and bounded out the open door, people scrambling out of her way. She could feel his presence, Alina knew he was close. The bite on her shoulder throbbed in agreement. Alina broke into a sprint, charging for the massive tangle of darkness. A hand grabbed her shoulder, hauling her back. Alina’s head whipped around, eyes ablaze with rage. Nikolai flinched at the ferocity of her glare. 

“Alina what are you doing?” Nikolai asked. Alina raised an eyebrow. Nikolai was brilliant, he knew exactly what she was doing, he just didn’t want to believe it. Alina shoved his offending hand off her shoulder and tore the Lantsov Emerald from her finger, chucking it at Nikolai as she broke into a sprint again. Nikolai scrambled back, fumbling for the ring before it hit the ground. He watched Alina sorrowfully as she disappeared into the cloud.

“Aleksander!” Alina shouted, summoning a glowing orb of moonlight to guide her way. Almost immediately, a pair of lean arms hugged her tightly.

“Alina, my Alina,” he murmured in her ear. Alina started to sob.

“How could you leave me for so long,” Alina screamed. 

“I didn’t think you were ready,” Aleksander murmured, stroking her hair soothingly.

“Did you ever think that wasn’t up to you?” Alina croaked in outrage. She had stretched her vocal cords too far, after years of disuse, and could barely speak. Aleksander gave her an insufferable smirk. It enraged Alina further, but in a weird way, such a familiar expression comforted her. She had missed Aleksander dearly. “Then what changed your mind?”

“You had accepted that I was the only one who would be by your side for eternity.”

Alina wanted to stay angry with him, but she was so, so tired, and had missed him for so long. Being angry was a waste of time and energy. Alina pulled Aleksander into a hungry kiss. He was stunned for a second but quickly returned her kiss with equal fervour. He had more practice with waiting than Alina, but wanting makes us weak.

Unconsciously, Alina had started glowing, her light dancing with his darkness, When they parted for air, Alina had overtaken nearly half of his darkness. As both light and dark faded away, they could see there was an audience, both gawking and cowering from the two powerful Grisha. 

“It’s time to go, Alina,” Aleksander urged. 

“No attempts on the Ravkan throne this time,” Alina only half-joked.

“Not yet,  _ moya tsaritsa _ . I have a much better prize,” he answered, eyes glittering with an emotion Alina couldn’t identify. “We will need some cover.” Alina nodded and bent the light around them. They disappeared from the palace and ran into the Ravkan wilderness where they would be free to do what they pleased.

  
  



End file.
